I’ve been doing a lot recently and I decided to share an update on whats happening in my life. I have updates on my life, my habits, what I’m doing, and what I’m struggling with right now.
In all types of writing (except technical) we are told to use an “attention grabber” or a “hook.” These are generally the title of a piece of writing or the very first sentence the audience reads (or hears in oral presentations). We are not only told to do this, we are taught how to do this. We are told to use “shocking” statements, tell the reader something they don’t know, or say something controversial.
Why is it okay to seek attention in our writing, but not for ourselves?
I have heard these two phrases all my life from so many people, “Wow, they must need a lot of attention”, and “They are just an attention seeker.”
Why is being an attention seeker perceived as a negative thing? Why can I be an attention seeker in my writing but not in my life? Why do we shame and resent people who need more or a different kind of attention than we do?
Humans are social animals and we need attention. Those of us that don’t get enough or haven’t gotten enough, crave or seek it out, maybe even from strangers.
The problem with using the term “attention seeker” negatively is that
I can say that I have only ever had one selfish friend. This friend wanted me to spend time with him almost every waking moment and would turn manipulative when I said “no.” It took me a few weeks to learn to tell him “no” but when I did, his true nature came out and I ran from that toxic relationship quickly. He was a selfish friend that wasn’t worth keeping around. Some of us have selfish friends that don’t know that they are taking advantage of others.
Sometimes we have friends that are just selfish in nature. They expect you to drop everything for them when they need or want you to. They might even seek you out more than your other friends because they know you will say yes. And you do say yes.
But what if you had said no? What would have happened? Would your friend have accepted your answer or would they have turned against you?
Is this selfish friend worth keeping around? Continue reading “How to Say “No” to Selfish Friends”
Many people understand what it’s like to have an image of who they want to be, and what that version of themselves looks like and wears. They also know what it’s like to get dressed in the morning and put something on that doesn’t fit their image of their ideal self. I believe the primary reasons for this are twofold. One, they don’t actually know how they want to dress or they have a vague idea that might change all the time. Two, they aren’t comfortable or confident wearing what they want to wear.
Finding yourself and knowing how you want to present yourself is one step to simplifying your life. When you know your style and have items you love, you spend a lot less time figuring out what to wear, shopping, and purging your closet over and over again. This post is a small part of my Simple Life Series.
I struggled for years not knowing what my personal style was. Before my breast reduction, I was wearing a lot of black stretchy clothing from the maternity section. I was also a cheerleader and my thighs were large and I had a small waist, so finding pants that fit was a nightmare.
I also had a strange duality about me that I didn’t quite understand. I felt like a walking contradiction (cue Green Day). I am a Continue reading “How I Became More Comfortable and Confident Wearing What I Want to Wear”
I have always struggled with nail biting. It’s a habit I have had for as long as I can remember. I have tried everything to stop the habit or to change my nail biting tendencies but was successful only once, but it didn’t last long.
I’m a cuticle picker, a hangnail ripper, and a nail biter. Its especially bad when I’m reading or watching tv. My nail biting habit is mindless, I do it without thinking about it and when I realize what I’ve done I have ten bloody nubs where my fingernails were.
I used to think it was a nervous habit or something to do with anxiety, but I’m not a nervous or anxious person any more, my stress levels are incredibly low, yet I’m still a nail biter.
The one thing that worked for me to stop my nail biting was to have pretty fingernails. When I was young, I had my first manicure and I wanted it to last forever so I was very careful with my nails and didn’t bite them, was gentle with my hands, and I didn’t bite my nails for a long time after that. I don’t know what happened after that to make me start my nail biting habit back up. Continue reading “My Nail Biting Habit”
I used to read a lot. I mean constantly. I grew up in a house without cell phone service and all the computers were in public areas. In order to spend quiet time alone, I had to read in my bedroom. I remember my mother banning me from reading when I was enthralled with the Inkheart series as a kid because I was foregoing household responsibilities to read. Now that I work and I am a student, I find it difficult to read for pleasure as often as I used to. I had to ask myself why I don’t read more? Why was it so hard for me to pick up a book and just read it? In my quest to read more books and to read more often, I came to a few realizations: I had become a book collector, not a reader; I was caught up in what I “Should be reading” and not what I wanted to read; and I was comparing what I was reading to what everyone else was reading. After reflecting on these three things, I learned a few things about how to read more books, and how to read more often. I have read more in the last few months than I had in years.
Reading is a fantastic way to learn, increase your vocabulary, gain more perspectives, keep the mind young, and it’s downright relaxing and entertaining. I was caught up in how successful people take time to read and how many if not all good authors read a lot to learn more about writing. What I had forgotten was the nostalgic feelings I get when I curl up with a book to read with the intention to finish it in one or a few sittings. I used to love to read and I feel guilty for not reading more and reading more often. So why was I not reading more often? Especially if I loved it as much as I thought I did.
Why didn’t I read more?
I became a book collector, not a reader.
I had convinced myself at one point that future Brette had an extensive personal library at her disposal where she would collect all the books she had ever read and books she was going to read. After I started moving towards a minimalist lifestyle, I realized, in my already relatively large book collection, there were so many books I had yet to read and probably never would read. Future Brette had changed, yet I was still moving towards what I used to want, not what I want now. I was collecting books for the sake of having books. I was buying a new book or three every time I went to the thrift store and telling myself I “would read it one day.” I had a massive Amazon wish list for books and was purchasing books like crazy. The hard truth is that I was lying to myself. I was never going to read those “literary classics” that everyone is supposed to read but are actually god awful. But they littered my shelves. I had books that were completely out of my interests that I thought I would suddenly become the kind of person who enjoyed those books if I owned them. Continue reading “How To Read More Often”
As someone who has struggled with mental illness for a long time (you can read that story here), I can’t stress how important it is to find or identify your support group. You should never go through mental illness alone, and the odds are, your probably aren’t. There is someone in your life that cares and wants to help or understand.
A support group is a few people in your life that you trust. These people are there for you when you need to talk. They are there to listen. Maybe they can provide advice if that’s what you want or need. Often, they are simply someone who understands, loves or cares about you, and is there for you when you need them. Continue reading “How to Find Your Support Group”