Why I Have a Problem With Sarcasm

Sarcasm can be mean, it can be unhealthy, and can hurt relationships; yet so many people treat sarcasm as a personality trait synonymous with cool, clever, and witty. I have a problem with sarcasm for a variety of reasons; primarily because a lot of people use sarcasm inappropriately and cause a lot of damage in the process. My main reasons for hating sarcasm are these: people use it as a weapon and an excuse for bad social skills, it’s bad communication, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism, and people treat it like a personality trait.

Sarcasm as a Weapon

The definition of sarcasm from Merriam-Webster is: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual: the use or language of sarcasm.

Do what you will with this definition, but to me, it says that sarcasm is often used to hurt.

Sarcasm is generally used as an excuse for people to be or say mean things, then avoid taking responsibility for hurting others because *Sarcasm*. Sarcasm isn’t a get out of jail free card for being a shitty person. A lot of people will say something that’s unfair or mean then follow up with “I’m being sarcastic!” I dated a guy that would say something cruel or mean, then would follow up with “I’m only being facetious.” Even though these aren’t the same thing, they were used the same way; to treat someone else with contempt and take no responsibility for the damage inflicted.

So many people behave this way because they think it makes them look cool, or they are simply showing their true colors. Regardless, I think sarcasm is disrespectful and should only be used when other people aren’t included. It’s okay to be sarcastic to things that can’t be hurt emotionally, but it’s irresponsible to be sarcastic to people, especially loved ones. Sarcasm is for irony, not hurting others.

Sarcasm as Bad Communication

Whether it’s intentional or not, sarcasm is often bad communication. Especially when it’s not obvious that someone is using sarcasm to communicate, such as in text messages or other communication that doesn’t happen face-to-face. Also, if you are talking to someone who doesn’t get sarcasm or you aren’t effectively or appropriately using sarcasm it can lead to miscommunication of unpredictable consequences. Humans are really bad at communicating, why bother making it harder on ourselves by intentionally using a nuanced form of communication?

This brings me back to using sarcasm to hurt others. Intentionally using sarcasm to mislead or confuse is cruel and abusive. Additionally, if someone is using sarcasm to invalidate or gaslight another person, they are being abusive.

Sarcasm as an Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

Sarcasm is also used to avoid talking about an issue by shutting communication down. How often do you want to continue talking to someone about a problem when they respond to one of your statements with sarcasm? A lot of people are flippant about serious situations to stop dialogue about the issue. It’s never healthy to cease communication with a loved one when the issue is uncomfortable. We should always say what we mean, especially when the context of the situation is important.

Being Sarcastic is Like Being Nice, it’s Not a Personality Trait

Being sarcastic isn’t a personality trait. It’s a behavior. Just like being nice isn’t a personality trait, it’s a behavior (and the bare minimum at that). A lot of people take pride in their “sarcastic personality” because they think it makes them cool or interesting, but honestly, people like this are just, exhausting, assholes, toxic people (or C, all of the above). I also think that someone who take pride in their sarcasm are largely uninteresting and disingenuous.

Use Sarcasm When the Situation is Appropriate

Sarcasm is really only appropriate in lighthearted situations and when not used against someone else. I love sarcasm when someone is using it in satire or as commentary on social concerns that aren’t heavy. Sarcasm about being single at the expense of the population’s beliefs about single people are hilarious. Sarcasm about being single at the expense of yourself or someone else isn’t always appropriate. Be critical about how you communicate with others, and if you do hurt someone with sarcasm and you notice it or they say something, take responsibility and correct yourself.

I’m not saying people should stop using sarcasm entirely. Instead, we should use sarcasm consciously and only when it’s appropriate. Sarcasm can be funny, witty, and fun when used appropriately, but should never be done at the expense of yourself or others.

I am a writer and like all writers, I love stories. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, blog and social posts, pictures, music; they all tell stories. My favorite stories are based in experiences. The human experience is truly magnificent and we all experience it differently. "Brette's Bliss" is a play on my name. I've spent most of my life worrying about whether I am happy or will be happy, and wondering if the meaning of my last name was something that would define my life or if I was simply overthinking it.  As I record my experiences, I learn more about myself and realize happiness is now, not in the past or in the future. This blog is where I share my experiences one story at a time to relive my joyful moments twice and encourage others to do the same. 


  • Laura

    You pegged my parents perfectly!! Wonderful article–again you nailed it girlfriend!
    Sarcasm is destructive, inappropriate, cruel, like you said and it serves no purpose but to wound and beat-down in a very insidious way.
    Insightful article as always! Thanks Brette and keep em’ comin’ !! 🙂

    • brettesbliss

      Laura, I want to thank you for your loyalty to my content and your fearlessness to comment. I have been writing content for a long time now, hoping for this level of engagement. It makes me feel like what I have to say matters to people. It’s a massive confidence boost and motivates me to continue writing. Thank you so much! Also, I too have been invalidated and hurt by sarcasm from friends and loved ones. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it isn’t. Regardless, it almost always hurts and it’s our responsibilities to be accountable for what we say and do.Too many people get away with hurtful sarcasm because we are conditioned to think that it’s our responsibility for how we feel when someone else hurts us. We are all responsible for being good people and making sure our words and actions aren’t damaging.

      • Laura

        Amen, sister!
        Words have consequences and far too few people get that concept. 🙁
        You are a wise young woman and I always feel useful when I can give a bright and compassionate person a pat on the back–you deserve it! I think the damaging trials we experience in life can do two things–make us bitter and sad or motivated and persevere. I find replying to sarcasm by saying something like, “Well did that make you feel better?”

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